Your Birth Story: Part 3

Dear Charlotte,

Your Birth Story: Part 1
Your Birth Story: Part 2

Shortly after 7am, mommy's nurse, Therilyn, quietly came in to check my blood pressure. Her movements woke me up. She apologized for waking me, but was glad she had the chance to say good-bye. Her shift was ending. She said she would be back that night at 7pm but may not be assigned to me. I was glad she came to tell me as I have slight attachment issues and would have been disappointed to wake up and not see her. She said by the time she comes back that night, you will be here and I said I sure hope so. She gave me a reassuring pat on the arm and left.

A little after that I was introduced to my new nurse for the next 12 hours, an older no nonsense woman named Joyce. Dr. S came in shortly before 8am and told me the Foley bulb catheter didn't do the job. To tell you the truth, I wasn't surprised.. especially with how the night/early morning was going. She said we will to have to go in and get you out by cesarean. She said we would have to do it soon since your heart rate was still not where she would like it to be. I asked her if my failure to transition into active labor was due to my body not cooperating or the baby. She said it was the baby. You weren't tolerating labor and were refusing to budge. [Stubborn girl- a hint of what your personality would be like already]. It didn't really "hit" me that she was implying we were in an emergency situation since she didn't use those words; it didn't register that "soon" meant NOW, but within minutes everything began moving really fast. There was definitely a sense of urgency in the air that wasn't there before.

An anesthesiologist and his nurse came in to talk to me about getting the spinal (an injection to the spine that would numb me from the chest down). They explained the process to me and told me I had nothing to worry about.  I asked if the spinal would have any affect on you and they assured me that it wouldn't. Then Joyce began prepping me for surgery. It was all very overwhelming, but to be honest the speed of how everything happened was a blessing in disguise. It didn't allow me any time to digest what was happening to me and by extension, you. I wasn't given the time to psych myself out.

Within 10 minutes of Dr. S telling me we were going with a C-section, they were wheeling my hospital bed into the OR. Daddy followed and was given instructions and a pair of patient scrubs to wear. He was told to wait in another area until they called him; meanwhile they pushed me into the operating room. I was then lifted onto the operating table where I could see several doctors and nurses prepping for your delivery.

[Your dad all scrubbed up!]

And then suddenly it was time to get the spinal. I didn't even have time to get myself worked up over it. They had me sit up and lean forward on the operation table. The anesthesiologist was really great about telling me what he was doing step by step and what I should be feeling. His nurse stood in front of me and held my shoulders. He said I would feel a pinch... and then it was over. The expectation of pain was worse than the actual thing. I would say the needle felt very similar to getting your blood drawn. After that they had me lay back down and then I suddenly felt really cold, teeth-chattering cold. They said this was normal and one of the nurses put an oxygen mask on me because my teeth were chattering so violently that I had difficulty drawing in air.

The anesthesiologist then took a blunt object and gently pressed it on my arm. He said that he's going to use it to see if I am numb below the chest and asked if I could feel any of the pricks. I said no, and he said great we're ready to go. They placed a curtain between my chest and abdomen and Dr. S and another doctor were both sterilized and ready to go. And then in walked your dad.

I could tell your dad was really nervous. They told him to stand by my head and gave him a stool to sit on, but for some reason he remained standing (maybe he felt more grounded with his feet planted to the floor?). The nurses began doing some sort of countdown that didn't make any sense to me. It sounded like they were counting up and not down, but then again I was pretty out of it. And then I could feel them cutting into me. It was the strangest sensation... as if I had no control over my body. I could feel them pulling and tugging, but it didn't hurt. At all. I was shivering uncontrollably now. I couldn't even get a grip on how cold I was. I imagine this was a small introduction to what hypothermia must feel like. It felt like my body was convulsing and I had absolutely no control over it. To be honest, the shivering was more uncomfortable than what they were doing behind the curtain. And then I heard something horrible.. Dr. S said "the cord is wrapped around her body twice." I held my breath. I kept looking up at your dad for some sign that you were out and that you were okay, but his face (though masked) revealed nothing. It felt like a thousand years... in my head I was thinking "where's the cry? Why isn't she crying? What's wrong?" but honestly it was probably just a few seconds, because out came the most beautiful sound and it filled the entire room. You, my girl, have quite a pair of lungs and you weren't afraid to let the world hear it.

With that first cry, I instantly felt emotional and the tears welled up in my eyes. Your dad let out a breath (which I guess he was holding) and said "Oh..." and I said "What?" And he said "she's beautiful.." One of the nurses held you up for me to see and I know everybody says this, but the sight of you literally took my breath away... thank goodness I had that oxygen mask on. I think I forgot how to breathe. And just like that, the last 11+ hours, all that pain, pitocin-what? all disappeared. You were here. At last.

Below is a string of play-by-play photos your dad was conscious enough to capture. I am so grateful that we have these images of your first few minutes of life:

[Our very first family picture.]

My sweet baby girl, you were born on Friday, December 16, 2011 at 8:27am weighing in at 5lbs 13oz and 18.5 inches long. So, you were the one kicking me this whole time...hello, daughter.

Your Birth Story: Part 2

Dear Charlotte,

Your Birth Story: Part 1

Once mommy's doctors had determined that we were going to induce labor on Thursday, December 15 at 7pm, the days and nights became a waiting game. I recall every night going to bed telling your dad that "tonight could be the night!" I kept hoping that you would come out on your own. I didn't want you to feel rushed or forced to come out when you weren't ready, but on the other hand I also understood the need for you to be on the outside where doctors could better monitor you. I was also anxious about the labor part and equally excited to meet you after all those months of knowing you from the inside.

On doctor's orders to eat a final good meal, not knowing how long labor would last and being told I wouldn't get to eat again until you were here... daddy took mommy to a lunch buffet that Thursday afternoon. We got home around 4pm and sat around the house waiting and staring at the clock. We had instructions to call the labor and delivery unit at 5pm to inquire about room availability. Mommy's doctor didn't want us to show up and not have a room ready only to be told to go home. Daddy commented that it was like waiting on a hotel room. Good thing we listened to the doctor, because when we called at 5pm the charge nurse told us to call back at 7pm and that our induction would most likely be pushed back to 9pm. With the extra wait time, daddy decided to take a quick nap while mommy watched "Gnomeo & Juliet" on Netflix. Daddy woke up from his nap around 6pm and decided he was hungry again. He made himself some instant noodles and then had a bowl of cereal after that. Looking back, I should have eaten something with him, but at that point I was too excited and anxious to even think about food. And to be honest, I only half-watched "Gnomeo & Juliet".

At 7pm we called the hospital again and they told us to come on in at 9pm. I then called your Grandmom who was on standby and told her we were leaving for the hospital at 8:15pm so that she could also get ready. Once we gathered all of our last minute things, I was rushing daddy out the door. Grandmom met us by our car and off to the hospital we went.

[Here's the door sign to our hospital room.]

After leaving the car with valet, we went up the elevator to the labor and delivery floor. After signing in at the check-in desk where daddy and Grandmom got visitor badges, we were shown to our room where we would be staying for the next 4 days. As far as hospital rooms go, this one was a decent size and was nicely furnished. It was modern and pretty comfortable which we were thankful for during our extended stay. We were very happy that we chose to go with this hospital after touring some of our other options.

Before we had the chance to get too settled in, we were introduced to mommy's nurse for the night, Therilyn, who became one of my favorite nurses during our stay (we had a new nurse with every shift change (every 12 hours) and must've had a total of at least 8 nurses who were all great, but Therilyn was with us during the peak of mommy's labor and for that I am grateful to her). After changing into a hospital gown, Therilyn started me on an IV saline-drip, hooked mommy up on a fetal heartbeat monitor, and since my blood pressure was rising, said she would take a BP measurement every 15 minutes so I might as well keep the itchy velcro wrap thing on my arm. Little did I know, changing into that hospital gown would be the last time I would leave that hospital bed until you were born.

By this time it was 9:30pm and daddy told me to "hold out" until past midnight because we wanted you to be a morning baby. Both daddy and I are morning babies and morning babies born to morning parents are especially lucky in life (?) or so the Asian superstition/belief goes. I gave him a LOOK (the first of many, lol). He seemed to think that since your aunt Lieu had a fast delivery with your cousin Mason that so would I. This was soooo not the case.

By 10pm Therilyn came back with another IV-bag and said she had orders from Dr. S to go ahead and start me on pitocin (the labor-inducing hormone aka mommy's worse enemy). She started the dose at 2 and said we'll be cranking it up every 20 minutes and see how the baby's heart rate handles it. By 10:40pm, we were up to 6. I was definitely feeling the contractions now but it was still manageable. I was still able to talk through them and even watch a little bit of television. I would say my pain level was probably a solid 3.

[Mommy happily oblivious to what is to come.]

By 11:30pm, we were at level 8 on the pitocin drip and suddenly my pain level went from tolerable to toe-curling. The change in pain level was almost instantaneous. I would say from an uncomfortable 3 to a 5-6 on the pain scale. But still, I tried to be brave and not cry out, after all women all over the world do this every day, right? But then Therilyn came in and I knew she was going to crank it up again. The contractions were coming really fast now with very little breaks in between. It was agony. I could no longer be a quiet martyr. Now I knew why they gave women wooden sticks to chomp on in the old days. It was dreadful and teeth clenching. I'm almost surprised I have any teeth left with the way my jaw was clenched from the pain. But I kept telling myself that this was all going to be worth it. That the pain was doing something and I would rather be the one in pain than you.

About half past midnight, Therilyn came back in to check on me. At this point we were at level 12 on the pitocin drip. She said she wanted to check to see if I had progressed in the past 3 hours. I held my breath as she checked, thinking I have to be at least 5cm dilated for all those contractions and pain I had gone through. I was hopeful that we were at least halfway there. Finished with her exam, Therilyn gave me a crestfallen look and told me the bad news. I hadn't progressed at all. I was still stuck at the 1cm and 0% effacement that I was in when we first arrived at the hospital. I was incredulous. How could all that pain not have gotten us anywhere? I really felt like crying. And that's when Therilyn patted me on the shoulder and said "hey, these things take time.."

At 1am, Therilyn came back with another IV-bag. She said she was putting me on a penicillin drip ordered by Dr. S to combat a potential virus to the baby. At this point I already had two IVs going, what was another? What I didn't expect was the immediate burning sensation that came with the penicillin. So on top of contractions that were coming in every 2-minutes, the shivers from the saline drip, the itchiness from the BP velcro thing on my left arm (and not to mention the annoying "circulation-cutting squeeze" from it every 15 minutes), I was now feeling a stinging sensation through my right arm. I asked Therilyn about it and she said all these sensations were normal. And then she gave me the most hilarious instruction..."I'm going to dim the lights, try to get some sleep." Yeah, right.

[Pasty-faced mommy, you, and nurse Therilyn.]

Sometime after 2am, Therilyn came back in and gave me my reprieve. She said she was going to turn off the pitocin drip for an hour or so. Thinking she was giving me a much needed break, I began to express my gratitude, but then she explained that the baby was not tolerating the hormone and that your heart rate was all over the place. Her exact words were: "we're pissing your baby off, so we're going to turn off the pitocin and see if her heart rate goes back to normal." I was numb with concern for your well-being and could all but nod. Daddy and I exchanged a look across the dimly lit room and Grandmom came over and rubbed my leg since both my arms were hooked up to IVs or monitors. With the pitocin drip off, I was finally able to get some shut eye. 

Shortly after 3am, Therilyn came back in to check on me and said she was going to reacquaint me with my enemy: the pitocin. She said your heart rate had stabilized so they were going to try to induce again. She started me out at 4 and said this time we were going to be a little more aggressive and asked if I wanted the epidural. This is when your Grandmom spoke up and said "no, she doesn't want that." I'm glad Grandmom said something because I don't think I had the willpower to say no.

Skip ahead to 5am, the pitocin drip was on at level 20 and I was literally writhing and clawing the bed railings in tears. The contractions were so bad that I'm sure I was moaning and groaning loud enough for them to hear me from the nurses' station. So much for being a quiet trooper. Therilyn asked me again if I wanted the epidural and each time Grandmom was there to tell her "no, she doesn't." Part of me wanted to beg for them to take the pain away, but another part of me wanted to do it naturally. In that moment I wasn't sure which voice was louder, my body or my mind. Therilyn assured me that nobody would think less of me if I asked for the epidural. I told her in between gasps from a strong contraction that I knew. She then told me I had other options for pain medications and I asked her if they had any affects to the baby. She told me that yes, the baby would be a little drowsy. I immediately told her no, I didn't want it then. I wanted the baby to come out with every advantage in the world, I wasn't about to take that away from her because of my inability to handle pain. Plus with you already diagnosed as being smaller I didn't want you to not be alert when you entered the world. My mind was made up and I'm glad your Grandmom was there to support my decision.

[Your Grandmom was all smiles when we first got to the hospital. 10+ hours later I know it was hard for her to see her child in pain.]

A little before 7am, Therilyn said she was going to examine me again for progress. I knew this time that the pain had to have done something. I just KNEW. She checked me and quietly said she'd be back and quickly left the room before I could ask her anything. About 15 minutes later in walked Dr. S who gave me the worse, unexpected news. After 10+ hours of labor, I had not progressed AT ALL. I was still at 1cm dilated and 0% effacement and on top of that your heart rate was starting to fluctuate again. Dr. S said we were going to turn off the pitocin drip since it was causing me unnecessary pain with zero results. She said we were going to try one last thing and if it doesn't work then she's going to have to go in and get you out by cesarean. Therilyn was also in the room and handed Dr. S a strange looking tube-like instrument. Dr. S explained that it was a Foley bulb catheter which is like a balloon that they were going to insert and try to mechanically open the cervix. She said if this works then get ready to push. Once inserted, Dr. S said we were going to give it one-hour to work and in that time instructed me to try and get some rest because I'll need it to push. With that, both she and Therilyn left the room. Grandmom came over and stroked my hand and feet concerned etched on her face which the dimly lit room couldn't hide. Your dad sat numbly across from the bed in silence. In that moment we were all quietly hoping for the same thing, please God, let this work so that we wouldn't have to go with the C-section.

Phew. Going in I knew I wanted to tell your birth story with as much detail as possible, but who knew it would be this long? I will take a break and continue this in Part 3.

Your Birth Story: Part 3

Your Birth Story: Part 1

Dear Charlotte,

Today you are three weeks old and I thought it was time to tell you the story of your birth while it is still fresh in my memory. As much as mommy and daddy were ready for your impending arrival, things did not go as planned. There was no mad dash to the hospital like what you see in the movies. My water didn't suddenly break in public (one of the things I was apprehensive about!) nor did I feel the onslaught of contractions prior to getting to the hospital. But before I begin your story, I should provide some of the background...

At your 20 weeks anatomy scan when we found out you were a girl, Dr. S. mentioned that you were measuring small. Your femur, head, and abdomen were consistently several weeks behind your gestational age (at 20 weeks you were measuring as though you were 17 weeks). Dr. S. wasn't overly concerned but said we would keep an eye on your growth. We continued to do growth scans every three weeks from that point on. At 32 weeks, Dr. S. noted that you had slipped to the 4th percentile when compared to other babies at 32 weeks which was low enough that she was referring mommy to a high risk Dr.

From 33 weeks on, mommy was going to two doctors appointments every week where growth scans and NSTs (Non-Stress Tests) were performed. Each time both doctors noted that you were very active and that they weren't overly concerned, you were just a small baby... after all both mommy and daddy are small(er) people compared to the national average, but they still wanted to keep an eye on you and were considering inducing once you reached term at 37 weeks. Officially you were diagnosed as SGA (Small for Gestational Age) which means you were just constitutionally small (genetically predetermined to be small since both mommy and daddy aren't huge people). At this point mommy was eating and packing on the protein on Dr's orders (oh, the sacrifices mothers make for their kids!), needless to say we were doing all that we could to encourage you to grow. Mommy even received the green light from my OB to dive into second and third helpings for Thanksgiving dinner. Grow baby, grow! became a daily mantra.

37 weeks came around and you still showed no sign of wanting out, mommy's OB deferred to Dr. G. (the high risk Dr.) who said we'll give you another week to see if we could get you to grow any more, but by this time both doctors were comfortable with your lungs and overall development that if you did decide to come out on your own they wouldn't try to stop it. That said, he was suggesting induction at 38 weeks. Well, 38 weeks rolled around and you remained consistently small all around, although there was some growth you were still measuring several weeks behind.. at 38 weeks you were measuring in at 34 and growth scans estimated your weight at 5lbs 10 oz. but doctors were careful to explain that this number was just a guesstimate, give or take a pound. We were all hoping that you'd break 5lbs by the time of delivery so mommy felt somewhat comforted that you had done so. Not wanting you to go past full term (40 weeks) and deciding that you'll do better on the outside where we can monitor your growth with feedings and intensive care if needed, both doctors decided on induction at 7pm on Thursday, December 15, putting your gestational age at 39 weeks and 4 days. Mommy's OB said no matter what your birthday was going to be December 16, 2011, just six days after daddy's birthday and nine days before Christmas!

I will have to continue your birth story in part two since I can hear you stirring from your nap ready for your next feeding. Below is one of the last ultrasound images we have of you:

[Our little thumb sucker at 38 weeks and 4 days]

Your Birth Story: Part 2